I always thought it was wrong to be alone. I spent my whole life searching for someone to walk with,laugh with or just sit with in silence. Most of my life i was alone. As an only child from an early age i was playing in the living room wishing someone my size would play with me. Only people i could really count on were my parents. Spending so much time with them made me grow up faster. But i never really felt like i belonged.
In preschool i could barely wait to go home. In school i realised i wasn’t like the other kids. I was a black sheep. I stood out like a sore thumb. I was that kid that no one would sit on the bus, i was that kid that didn’t have a pair, i was that kid that wasn’t in on the joke or was the joke, who knows. I was ashamed of being different and i just wanted to be like everyone else. I just wanted a friend to walk with me, to hang out with me not because i did their homework, someone to be happy to sit with me and not look at the teacher like some grand injustice just happened to them. I just wanted someone.
So many years i tried and failed in being someone i wasn’t inside. It is hard to pretend. All the time hoping someone would like you and hoping no one would at the same time because that wasn’t you. One day i just gave up all hope. I wasn’t gonna pretend anymore. And i was alone still but you know what? I didn’t mind it. In my life i met all kinds of people. Good, bad, bland, kind, smart… but the most important person i got to know was myself.
I realised who i am, who i am not, and who i don’t want to become. You can’t escape the truth. One way or another, for a short while or a while longer you will be alone. It is not a bad thing. The most important thing is to be in good company when you are alone.