Another way to go

Wish there was a memory that didn’t somehow lead to me thinking about you.


Rupture in memory

I m writing a poem

Filled with present and the past

Today they mixed into

A memory i wish will vanish fast

This will be a bad song

I can tell you right away

It is about a boy i loved many years ago

Memory corrupted by lust and cliché

We sat together in school

Fingers tangled, cheeks fire red

Smiles so pure, souls blissful

He had a sun in him

I swear it was there

There is no other way to explain it

But life sent us on different ways

Still never forgot our childs play

Today he texted me out of the blue

I was dazzled and stunned

So happy, reunited with the sun

I told him how i felt silly me

It was 15 years ago it was for giggles only

I realised quickly he wasn’t the boy i used to know

His mouth got dirty so did his soul

I m writing this and it might seem stupid

Time does change us and facebook is no cupid

But somehow at the end i wish he never texted me again

So that i could still have that sweet picture in a play of pretend

A memory of the past, a happy one, instead.

I wish you stayed perfect,not for me, for the world.

I adored you

Fortune teller predicted once

A great misfortune, blood and ice

The night the comet fires up the sky

That will be the moment that I die

With nightfall came

Exquisite, unordinary pain

Magnificent and bittersweet

When it would all be complete

My heart would froze, it couldn’t beat

My only option, hibernation

As protection from decay

To save me from damnation

I had no other way

It would stop me from ever feeling

Love, hate or even pain

Maybe it would even make me

Disconnect and go insane

In a blink, war inside me started

I began to sink

My baseline dropped

With it my heart stopped

I no longer belonged

I wasn’t even strong

Winter brought sadness and grace

As my heart froze I saw your face

Adornment in knowing

I met my creator, my love,

My hearts orchestrator

Agonizing sweetness

This is the last time I feel like this

Tears fell and grew cold

Lost paradise captured in an orb

Imaginary as it might be

It brought me endless misery

Another dimension of pain

Our future was lost, it was all in vain

My eyes closed, defeated

Echo in the storm carried your voice

But I felt no reason to rejoice

My heart was gone and I knew now

I might as well have died

Observer could not know

The phenomenon going on

A blizzard in my soul

To him, I looked perfectly whole

After all that horrible mess

I am still grateful

For happiness I possess

However small, it warms

The winter in my core.

Awoken from the dead

I can not see

A safe ground, a lonely tree

Spark in the dark, prayer in the sorrow

Leave a light on for me to follow

I am away from home

Damaged beyond repair

Amputate my soul

Save me from despair

Please mend me, guide me to safety

Do this kindness

Don’t open my wounds

Take me out this holy water, it burns

If you can not help me in my slow death

Can’t bend the flatness of my soul

Alarming shadow growing strong

Release me, I beg you once more

Make this a painless destruction

Show me the wrong way, faithless direction

Running into the fire, an open coffin

Let the last stage of sorrow begin

My essence starts to dissapear

All the rotten blackness, all the fear

The shadow has been lifted, I feel

Only regret I still carry, a venom dart

You can’t imagine how much it tears me apart

I wish I could take it back to the start

Be alone, until I find someone

A genuine heart.

Another dimension to agony

Empty pages make me cry

Just the possibility that they imply

Candle light flutters, weak

Heartbroken cannot sleep

Enlightened I try to write

A poem, a promise would suffice

Stones in my soul, agonizing curse

Made the pain inside me worse

Puppet arm shakes, ink does not heal

Not even a word on the paper to seal

Internal struggle makes me crumble

Uncertain, how do I begin this rumble

Wishing there was something real

Apart from the constant wreck I feel

Gift of blindness, little faith

Certanly there was something to create

Choking on feelings I can’t express

Ripping pages, pressing them to my chest

My final say, no strenght to try again

Empty pages I condemn.