Game of love and misery

I hold a beast, an angel, and a madman in me. -Dylan Thomas

You like to torture me

That is your kind of love

Cut me open, hear me roar

Like to see me in distress

Twinging, aching, calling for help

When you are done you leave me be

Cold alone on the carpet bleeding

Holding my heart as it skips a beat

Humming words, pleading harmony

Next day you are a changed man

Say all your sorries for causing me pain

I am cautious when you hold my hand

Just waiting for you to go insane

Scared to love you, scared to leave

Thinking about ending you and me

You could judge me but you don’t know how i live

Constant fear that the death i feel will be real

His face, his voice repulsive and grey

Can’t stand to be around him for one more affray

I am depressed of wishing on a star

For a knight to rescue and take me far

Done praying for someone to get me safe

I will be my own knight and save the day

This game of love and misery

Ends today.

Every time he knocks i can’t help but let him in.

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Auriga

She always thought of herself as special, unique.

Not the best or the worst, but when someone asked what her best feature was she always had the same reply.

‘My soul.’

Therefore, she always found herself lonely.

Maybe because she searched for someone special, to match her.

She looked around all those couples that didn’t fit perfectly into eachothers folds and wondered if she should settle for someone close enough.

Those nights when everything came crashing down sleep didn’t come easy.

She would cry herself to sleep and dream of him.

In her dreams he always chose her.

In reality every time she thought she found him, the one she longed for that didn’t happen.

She was a constilation.

But he was always blinded by the falling stars.

That didn’t disheart her.

Just as the stars she belived her soul would live forever and shine on for millions of years even after she was gone.

One day she hoped he would see her.

Maybe true love just came slow and was worth waiting for.

Praise for a better man

Reckless firstborn girl looking for truth

Why does everyone she loves makes her question her worth

Told she was rotten, evil to the core

Needs to be fixed or breathe no more

Born unsure, is she bitter or clear

Absurd it may be, but it was difficult to live with this fear

Therefore she stood far, watching the portrait of the world unfold

Alienated, humiliated, but not willing to chance it

Spilling black ink on someone pure

Then something happened

Someone was watching her like a miracleus view

Saw perfection in her soul

A definitive bliss, harmony

He found a corpse to heal and make whole

Healer of horrors

Decontaminaring her essence

A lantern of purpose, seed of hope

His love filled the void she felt so long

Burned all the tragedy

She was neither evil or wrong

Her spirit blazed, she felt strong

She caught a glimpse of a hypnotic idea of love

Only one question haunted her

Can we be infinite, with our names written in stone?

Heartland

Roses.

Not my favourite flower, but that wasn’t the reason I rarely got them. It might sound silly but that caused me alot of sadness. Sometimes I even got my own flowers just so I can look at them. I didn’t tell that out loud because obviously people would think I am pathetic. But somehow you knew that and went overboard on purpose. You are that one idiot that gets all the roses just so you can watch me be shy and awkward walking with them. Obviously, that isn’t a measure for love. But knowing what someone needs, wants, craves for, what the best thing for them without them having to say it comes very very close.

Oh, roses.

You take care of my broken soul so well because you know me so well.

I am so happy to have you.

Accept

Okay.

Today i just realised i do not need everything to be great, awesome or magical. I just need it all to work out, for me to feel at peace. I do not need late night wonderings, feelings i don’t know what to do with, questions i don’t know the answers to. I need peace. You to accept me. Me to accept you. Both perfectly imperfect, looking at eachother and not expecting miracles.

Rupture in memory

I m writing a poem

Filled with present and the past

Today they mixed into

A memory i wish will vanish fast

This will be a bad song

I can tell you right away

It is about a boy i loved many years ago

Memory corrupted by lust and cliché

We sat together in school

Fingers tangled, cheeks fire red

Smiles so pure, souls blissful

He had a sun in him

I swear it was there

There is no other way to explain it

But life sent us on different ways

Still never forgot our childs play

Today he texted me out of the blue

I was dazzled and stunned

So happy, reunited with the sun

I told him how i felt silly me

It was 15 years ago it was for giggles only

I realised quickly he wasn’t the boy i used to know

His mouth got dirty so did his soul

I m writing this and it might seem stupid

Time does change us and facebook is no cupid

But somehow at the end i wish he never texted me again

So that i could still have that sweet picture in a play of pretend

A memory of the past, a happy one, instead.

I wish you stayed perfect,not for me, for the world.